Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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