Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
