You're my little dorito
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
