You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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