Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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