bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
