When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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