see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
