I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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