uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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