I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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