Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
