he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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