I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
