that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
