I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
