Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
