Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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