Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
