We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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