It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
