he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
