Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
