I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
