fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
