I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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