she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
