Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
