im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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