I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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