Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
