Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
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For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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