If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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