you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old