Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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