I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
