You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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