it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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