so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
