If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
