So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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