Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
