so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
