I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
