My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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