i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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