Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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