I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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