I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
