I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can you bring me the toilet please
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
