I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
