I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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