You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
