Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
