My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
