i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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