you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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