She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
