you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
