i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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