do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
