Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
