Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
