Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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