I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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