After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
