I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
