I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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