Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
