I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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