Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
