Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't deserve a penis
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
