I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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