Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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