Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
