Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
