you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
