i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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