honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
