What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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