Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
