i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
