I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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