I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
