drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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